Sometimes, crying is all one can do
by evilbunnygirl93
Summary: I'm ugly. I'm useless. I am in love. I will not hurt him. Band: The Gazette. Pairing: AoixReita Warnings: some self harm, but not severe.


Warm streams flow down my face as I stare at my reflection in the broken mirror. I feel the warm drops landing on my hand as I glare at the divided glass. No matter how much make up I put on, I can't hide my flaws. I can't hide it from the people around me. I can't cover up this piece of me that I find repulsive. My face should never be seen by anyone. I cover it with my right hand which is dripping with blood. I can't feel the cuts on it because my knuckles are numb and they're starting to swell. It doesn't matter though. I have pathetic music skills. I can't play or make music like the rest of them. I just stand in the back and play a simple rhythm. A rhythm someone else created or edited, but not one I've made. Nothing I create is good enough for them to play anyways. Why am I even here? What's the point? I am not good enough and I never will be. I should just vanish.

More tears run down my cheeks as I close my eyes and drop my head. I feel them rolling down my chin and dripping off.

"Reita?" Someone's coming. I can't let them see me like this. I grip my hood and cover my head as the bathroom door opened. "Reita, What are you doing?"

His voice. I sighed and stared at the darkness that's surrounding me. "Just…you know, standing here."

"The shoot's over. Why are you still wearing your outfit?"

"I don't know." I mumbled. I can hear him stepping closer to me and I can feel him standing behind me. "What do you want?"

His arms wrap around my shoulders and his head sits on my shoulder. "Seeing if you're ok. You haven't been happy here lately."

"I'm fine, really."

"Punching the mirror doesn't seem fine to me. Besides, you haven't been very loving the past few nights. Leaving me to sleep alone in bed and avoiding me in the mornings. It hurts."

"Sorry." I sighed, but his grip tightened.

"You know, I'm here for you. I want you talk to me when you're hurting and when you're sad. I love you Akira, but sometimes I feel like you don't love me."

"I do!" I shouted. I can't believe he would saying something like that to me. Of course I love him. I've loved him for so long, longer than we've dated. He's everything to me and I want to be everything to him. "Why would you say that?"

"Because you don't hug back, kiss back, you avoid being touched sometimes, you'll get up in the middle of the night and sleep on the couch. You don't look at me anymore like you use to."

The warm tears start overflowing again and I let out a slight whimper. "I never meant to hurt you. I just…"

"Just what?"

"I love you so much." I whispered. My heart is pounding like always when you hold me and it's getting so hard for me to breath. I love what you do to my body because you're the only one who can make me react like this with every touch and look. I don't want to lose this. I don't want to chase you away. I feel my body trembling as I let out a soft sob.

"Rei, what's wrong?"

I turn in his arms and leaned into his embrace as I buried my head into his shoulder. I cry out and clench his sleeves as he hugs my body tighter. I stand there with my knees getting weaker and weaker. I feel my body starting to drop, but he holds me up long enough to back into the wall where he slid down to the floor. I lay against his body as waves of shakes, coughs, and cries go through my body. He holds me like always and kisses my head even though the hood is in the way. I dig my nails into his arms yet he still holds me. He'll always hold me, protect me, and keep me warm. He's always making me smile and makes sure I'm always having fun. He loves me and I love him. We make each other happy and we take care of each other. We love each other.

I open my eyes to see the tile floor of the bathroom yet I feel comfortable. I rub my head against the body beneath me as his hand rubs my head. I look up to see his dark eyes looking down at me and a small worried smile on his face. I sniffled and rubbed my heavy eye as I raised up. I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. I could feel him kissing back as he held my waist but he raised his hands and gripped my cheeks. He pulled away as he rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs.

"Are you ok now?" He asked.

I looked down and sniffled. "I…don't know. I don't know anymore."

"Why Rei? What's going on with you?" I feel him rubbing the tears forming in my eyes. I grabbed my hood and covered my head as I pulled away.

"It's all me. Everything is all my fault."

"Rei…"

"I'm …I just…I'm ugly. I'm useless. I don't want to mess everything up. I don't want to scare you away. I don't want you to see me as some useless thing. I love you. I know you love me. But I hate myself! I can't stand how I look! I can't stand the fact that I am useless!"

His hand reach into the hood and pull it back, showing my face again. He holds my face as he moves his own closer to mine. "I do love you. I love everything about you. I love your face, your body, and your flaws. But what I love most is you. What's inside you, your personality. You're not useless, you're perfect just the way you are. You're excellent at everything you do. You would never mess anything up because you are the most perfect thing in my life."

"But I'm not."

"You are. I want you stop thinking so lowly of yourself. I will always be here for you. So stop pushing yourself away, ok. I want you in bed with me at night. I want you to look at me and smile. I want you to stop hating yourself because there is no point in it."

I shook my head. How can I just change? How can I just not hate myself? I feel him rubbing under my eyes again. I'm crying again. "I just…can't."

"Then try. For me." His voice shook as his eyes watered up. I watched as a stream of water rolled down his cheek. "The way you're going right now…I feel like you're going to kill yourself. I can't lose you."

I raise my hand to wipe of his cheek. "I love you. I don't want to hurt you. I will try to get better. I just…need help."

"And I will help you. Just don't push me away any more."

I move closer to him so we could hug each other again. "I won't. Not anymore."

"I love you, Akira."

"I love you, too, Yuu."


End file.
